Tuesday, 17 February 2009

Recruitment Agencies are killing me

How many jobs have you applied for over the internet that list only the recruitment agency representing the potential employer? And how many of those jobs were just right for you with a great salary in these tough times? And how many times have you actually been contacted by the company directly, taking the time to set out the job specification and location? Or rather do you then receive a call from the recruitment agency saying they like your CV and will you come in to talk with them? WHAT? WHERE’S THE F’ING JOB GONE?

A friend of mine once said that you have to remember these agencies are like estate agents, they don’t work for you they work for the employer. Oh, they might come across as your friend, as the plucky 23 year old working tirelessly on your behalf, but where’s the proof? Some of them are also very good looking which is rather distracting and really not fair at all. Friday is the best day to get an interview, by the way, because it’s dress down day – jeans and a sexy t-shirt. Damn it! No. I won’t be beguiled by their long flowing locks.

I’m registered with four agencies and I’m going to speak to one more tomorrow, only one of which has presented with some jobs and non of which has actually got anywhere. You have to phone them constantly in a vain attempt to get them to stay on top of it. An actual conversation with an Agency went like this:

“Did Craig (name changed) not put you forward for that job then?”
“No he bloody didn’t.”
“It’s absolutely right for you.”
“Yes I know (pulling my hair out). Can’t you do something?”
“Well I can put your CV forward.”
“Brilliant, what a genius you must be, I can see why you’re in this job. Well done.”

Ok, so I might not have been so obviously passive-enraged, you can’t, if they think you might be challenging them then they’ll put you on the naughty pile. And you aren’t getting off the naughty pile anytime soon. So you have to grit your teeth and swallow that ball of rage deep, deep down until you’ve put the phone down.

Nothing. No jobs. Joining an agency has meant nothing more than interviews in posh locations with pretty young girls who flaunt their ... damn it, there I go again. But you have to join because you just don’t know. They may have the greatest job in the world and it’s there waiting for you and the only thing that stands between you and your ultimate life-fulfilling goal is whether that spritely little upstart can remember that you might be suited, and then simply hope that they deign you worthy to be put forward.

So I continue to rack up these agencies, some I’ve forgotten that I’ve even joined. I’ve been interviewed by kids and I’ve smiled and worn a suit and I’ve told them what my perfect job is. Actually that’s a lie because oiling the Brazilian woman’s beach volleyball team might not go down to well with someone looking to place you in the redundant dusty corridors of some god awful local authority.

So the jobs disappear and the interviews keep happening. Yet still nothing positive has come from them. But we’re all trapped by them – I tried to get out but they keep calling me up. Isn’t it false advertising? Can’t something be done? Or maybe it’s just me – but I doubt it. If you read this and you’ve had a similar situation do let me know.

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